bah humbug.

This was my desk when I got back to work today, because I'm the Bah-Humbug who won't let anyone listen to Christmas music until after Thanksgiving.

bolt bus blog.

Kaley said that if I wanted to be a good blogger, I just have to start writing. That's what Anne Lammott always says. 

“I know some very great writers, writers you love who write beautifully and have made a great deal of money, and not one of them sits down routinely feeling wildly enthusiastic and confident. Not one of them writes elegant first drafts. All right, one of them does, but we do not like her very much. We do not think that she has a rich inner life or that God likes her or can even stand her. (Although when I mentioned this to my priest friend Tom, he said that you can safely assume you’ve created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.)” 

It has been quite the crazy couple of months, or however long it has been since I wrote a blog that wasn't a contest entry. (whoops.)

I am currently on a bus. a bolt bus. writing a blog. there is a power outlet at my feet, and precisely 3 other humans on this bus, including the bus driver, of which i am the only female. i suspect this will be a fairly dull trip - but who knows. i may have a streak of blogging genius here. 

I just finished a whirlwind trip to NJ then SC for a wedding then NJ again for a support raising party (#3 this month). I saw sooo many people I hadn't seen in forever. Ocean Grove friends and 'family,' my high school best friend Jaime, my Flagler friends. It was an amazingly encouraging time and I can NOT believe that we're already at the end of October.

The biggest "win" for the weekend was an answered prayer.

Before the trip began, I woke up one morning last week feeling led to pray that after this trip, I would have some kind of provision (how it was going to look, I didn't know), but I quickly stopped praying for fear that if I didn't get what I dreamed of, I would be so disappointed. So I put it aside, not wanting to get my hopes up only to be let down. But at work that day, a friend told me that he had been hoping that after this weekend, I would have what I need to get a car, or at least move toward that goal. So i took that as enough of a prodding to be obedient and pray for big things. and I emailed my friends, both for my own accountability and for their help. I asked them to be obedient with me and pray for big things. I decided that i'd rather be obedient and be wrong then not pray for anything at all.

monday, as I am driving with megan and her brother to lunch at surf taco (garlic shrimp taco is where it's AT), i get a voicemail. i had somehow missed the call, but the voicemail was from an acquaintance who i have never approached about financial support. but through the grapevine and the faithful prayers of my friends, they found out I was in need of funds for a car, and have decided to send me a check totaling about $3000 to get me started in that direction. I was floored. I mean, I believed that God would answer my prayer in some way, but as an attempt to protect my heart from disappointment, I was submitted to however He wanted that to look, even if it meant that it wouldn't be in the form of money. 

I'm humbled and honored and blown away, yet again, at my Father's desire to provide far beyond what I am willing and able to dream and ask for myself. Why do I always doubt that He will do this for me? I'm not sure that I walked away from this weekend with any increase in monthly support, but I sure did walk away feeling encouraged and cared for. Just another confirmation that I am walking in the right path even when it seems so risky and uncomfortable. 

The Reading Rainbow

There aren't really a lot of things I need.
Sure, I get a little anxious about finances sometimes. Especially now, while i'm support-raising. Life right now kinda feels like a balancing act. I'm the gal balancing the spinning plates on her chin. While juggling flaming oranges. On a unicycle. On a tightrope. Over a pool of ravenous snakes. Surrounded by lions.

Ok, maybe that's a little dramatic. I'm not scared. I just have a lot of different things on my plate that i'm trying to learn how to juggle. But the truth is, in the midst of it all, I don't need a lot. God has provided for me in awesome ways. Finances may get tight, but I have food. I have shelter. I have amazing community. I have a loving God. I can't really ask for much more.

But while we're on the subject of asking, I was playing with a friend's Kindle a couple of weeks ago and thought to myself, "Wow-how far away is Christmas? And how can I get me one of these?"

Fast forward to today, and I stumble upon this glory of all glories. A nook being given away for free. A color one at that. And all I had to do was write about it in my blog - perfect because i've been lacking in content ideas lately. Who wouldn't wanna win a nook?

I do. And i'm in the mood to make things happen.
Let's get this party started.

a riley day is a good day.

i got to take a little trip back in time today and hang out with riley all day long. what a sweet day to get out of the office and outside in the sunshine. first, i painted her nails with glitter polish that i bought, admittedly, for myself last night at target. it's amazing. i wish i got to be 13 in the 80s. this will have to do. then we went to dane street beach where she was super happy just to play in the sand and splash around for a while.

then we went to atomic for lunch. classic. always delicious.

then to stop and shop and farmer brown's for some errands for her mom. now we're home. we split a whoopie pie and she's napping. i'm catching up on emails, but can't wait to snuggle up with this guy:

some classic riley quotes:

Me: No, silly, you're not tired yet.

Riley: Jenna, I am a girl who KNOWS when she's tired.

there was also a pretty priceless moment at the grocery store when i was looking at the pies for her mom and look over to find that riley had slipped a box of cookies under her arm. I asked her what she was doing and she said with all the confidence in the world, "oh, we're buying these."

"oh, no we're not."

because we got split a whoopie pie instead. 

sweet day.

summery things.

Just sending some photos along with updates from the summer.

Trip to India....

and some other fun summery things that have been happening:

i have more...it's just a matter of getting them up here.

just a little taste for now. :)

on the road again.

it feels like i just got back, but i'm headed out again today.
and i could not be more excited.

today's flight: boston to raleigh.
carride with jaime to winston-salem for pre-wedding festivities with catherine and her bridal party.
cat's wedding on saturday.

carride with ross to asheville - 2 days, 2 nights in a hostel in the heart of one of my favorite cities i've ever been to. on my own. a mini vacay filled with re-visiting a church there, long walks, taking lots of photos, meandering beautiful streets, cute shops, bookstores, reading, coffeeshops, meeting cool people.
i'm excited.

then a little drive out to ridgecrest for the us church planting conference - staffers from all of our US church plants in one place to reconnect, refresh, learn, grow, worship, etc. so pumped.

carride with the rest of my staff up to NJ on thursday to crash on megan's couch in Ocean Grove. Pull an all-nighter so i can spend time with some of my favorite people in another favorite place. drive back up to beverly.

next saturday: to maine for an amos lee concert at the llbean outlet for sarah b's birthday.

so many sweet sweet friends and memories and places to be in the next week and a day.

chock full.

i am so excited.
and so incredibly blessed.
bon voyage!

i have to brag.

ok, big sister's gonna brag for a minute.
last week, my brother's band, My Maker and I got to play on both the main stage and the arkansas stage at Cornerstone - a hardcore christian music festival. he's in a christian scream-o band. he's a rockstar.

i heart my bro.

so blessed.

a lot of my weekend was spent making this:

I swear i love making cakes for people. But after 5 hours of cake making and decorating, i'm done. i'm exhausted. i fell asleep on the couch and i dont wanna see another cake for weeks.

This one was for a friend of a friend's baby shower. she's having a girl and her name is arielle. the shower was a block theme and the mom-to-be hates pink. and chocolate. so the cake was vanilla with strawberries and white chocolate. and blocks.

after cake making, i went out to run errands and hang out with elisa, then we met the other roommates for roommate birthday dinner at not your average joe's. always my favorite.

sunday was church. it was fantastic. i had so much fun playing music. i love what i do.

then beach all day at brackenbury with friends.

also fun.

so blessed.

then off to a bachelorette party. again, so fun.

now its monday and we're back into the swing of things.

i'll post pics soon from the 4th and india - but this is what i have on me right now.

out of hiding

i've been MIA - and i'm sorry.

I did this thing called travelling for 27 straight hours to a place far away called India. Then I travelled back after 2 weeks of chicken tikka masala, learning to be the rickshaw master, praying for people, seeing healings, playing worship music in clubs, inviting people to know Jesus, and i didn't even get sick - until i got home.

maybe i'll post pictures soon, but i'm still super processing. i dont really know how to "post" about a trip to india except to say that i loved it, God is good, and i was ready to come home.

now that i'm home, i'm back to working at the seminary. i'm in my same office, but working a new part-time position which currently is providing more full-time hours as i continue to train in the new job and train the new person in my old job. I'm trying to pick up scattered babysitting jobs in the meantime, and i'm officially on support with the church starting this month. but i'm only at 30% - pray.

my car was out of commission for almost 2 weeks. i came home to it not running, had a sketchy mechanic neighbor take a look at it and misdiagnose it, got it towed to my local mechanic, who also misdiagnosed, charged me for a minor repair that it also needed, and had me tow it to the dealership. i passed on that offer and got it towed to the saab specialist who sold me the car. he made two very expensive repairs, and a week and half later, i'm now reunited with my old, sometimes faithful saab, Amadeus.
car stuff stresses me out. i dont have money to buy a new one. and my credit card has taken a few big blows this year on repairs to this one. but God provided awesomely generous friends for a week and a half that were willing to drive me places or let me borrow their cars. I am well looked-after, and so thankful for it. now let's just pray i dont have to talk to another mechanic for a loooooong time.

the fourth of july weekend was awesome.
a day in rockport and brackenberry beach with elisa and angela = more sea glass than i've ever found.
playing music at the highland bean supper/folk festival = fun and a possible offer to play music at the topsfield fair
leading worship with a 56-youth choir, then getting in a car with j and liz to connecticut.

connecticut was so refreshing. i'm still kind of reeling in thankfulness and awe of chill time spent with friends, of an absolutely gorgeous setting, of camping outside, up close and personal fireworks displays, walks on the beach with liz, watching the boys do silly things at the beach, and just resting my soul a little bit. i'm just so thankful for friends and for where God likes to take me.
so thankful.

this weekend includes, but is not limited to, making a baby shower cake and a bachelorette party.

23 Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. 24 Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.
Ephesians 4:23-24

Currently baffled that this is possible - maybe more thoughts later. :)

Namaste.

My silence in the blog-o-sphere can be summed up in the following information.

I'm leaving for this place on Sunday.

Bangalore, India.

Sick.

just feeling a little overwhelmed.
i have friends in town, which is oh so glorious. and my heart is happy.
but i have a lot to do before india. the trip has been fully funded, but when I return, i'll suddenly be working part-time, off my current health insurance, living on some support, and probably scrounging up part time jobs.
I'm currently at 20% of my monthly support goal, still working full time, leading worship trying to figure out how i'm going to find time to sit down and more actively raise the rest of my monthly support, taking part time gigs where I can, and prepping for a trip out of the country. and with two weeks out of the country during the month when i need the support to arrive, i'm not sure how it's all going to pan out.
God is good. He WILL provide. But there's a lot I feel like I need to be doing that i'm not doing and I currently don't know when i'll find the time to do.
just feeling a little overwhelmed.

ok, i'm done pouting.
now i'm just singing this song over and over and over and over again.



i'm also now at 15% of my monthly support.
this number may seem small, but considering I was at 3% last week, I'd say this feels pretty good. We're in the double digits here, people. I still have a long way to go, but God is good. He will provide. That's my mantra the last two days (minus the pouting time yesterday).
"God, You WILL provide for me. You are good and You WILL provide."

I realized that I had said that about India. I had seen Him do it before and I had told a few people "i'm not worried about getting to India at all - it's just going to happen." And it did. Lickety Split. but i have always been nervous about this monthly thing. and hesitant to assume or proclaim that it will all come in so fast. I'm far too anxious about it. far too nervous. far too worrisome. yesterday didn't help. but yesterday is over and today is fresh and new. He WILL provide. He is good and He WILL provide.

I'm also being commissioned this weekend at church - a chance to let people know what i'm doing, that i'm in a place of raising support, that i'm in need of serious prayer, and that i'm ultimately doing it to serve God and serve them - the church. I'm excited for the chance to let people in on this, excited to see how God uses it to provide, and excited that i'm not leading worship this week so that I can actually be available after the service to chat and receive prayer.

Help me find my own flame.

it is well with my soul...almost.

remember last spring when i was job searching like mad?

i came so close so many times and just faced a lot of disappointment?

here we go again.

the position i applied for at the seminary, the part time one that i head everyone was so excited i had applied for, including the boss and the people in HR, the one that would have gone perfectly with my schedule out of here and into part-time ministry. that one.

crushed before my very eyes today as they walked the new employee through my office to introduce them to everyone.

I didn't even know they had started interviewing.

if i can't get a job here, it's ok.

if God has a different plan, it's ok.

but i hate getting my hopes up. i hate it when people don't communicate with me so that i'm lead to believe a completely different thing that what is actually happening.

i hate feeling foolish.

so i'm calling in the use of the pouty face today.

i promise not to rock it too long - because i'm pumped to see what else is on the horizon. but now i've got a lot on my brain until india. and i'm trying to face the reality that i probably wont get to stay here at gcts anymore. so i'm gonna work the pouty face just for today.

back on the horse soon, i promise.

also - turn on the "enter the worship circle" station on pandora.

every single song is speaking right to my heart right now.

much needed.

i'm on the cusp of something big.
i'll let you know when i figure out what the heck it is.

music i cant get enough of lately:

Vin Diesel was born Mark Sinclair Vincent.
I'm guessing maybe in high school kids started calling him "Vin."
Why did I not realize in high school how ridiculous his name is.
Vin Diesel.
Who comes up with these things?
And how is it that THESE are the people who get famous?
Happy Cinco de Mayo!

disclaimer.

DISCLAIMER: It is embarassing how disconnected I am with world news and current events. Rarely do I take any political stance or engage in any in-depth conversations about political issues or current events. Any opinions I have are real and from the heart, but far from well-educated or well-informed.

The Facebook statuses that filled my newsfeed last night and this morning are still weighing on my heart. In the news of the death of Bin Laden may be found some justice for families and citizens whose lives have been deeply devastated by the acts of his group. Some may feel a sense of relief, of validation, of security now that he is gone. But this relief, this security, is false. This is not victory. We are not the victorious. There is only One who is truly just, only One who yields true Victory. The level of celebration in our country today is only a sad reminder to me how far we are from understanding real Victory. Innocent or guilty, I cannot bring myself to celebrate death, for I am just as deserving. Only one death brought victory and only one death is worthy of my celebration.

Father, teach us to love. Teach us to celebrate peace and justice rather than death and retaliation. In the midst of pain and chaos and devastating events, reveal to us daily the truth of who You are and remind us of Your presence. Bring Light to the dark and remind us that You have not left, that You are present, and that Your heart breaks for Your people. Remind us to look to You for a true example of justice and victory. We are a wounded people eager to pass blame, but You have already taken it all. We are deserving of death, yet You offer us life. Help us to live as though we actually understand and receive this gift.

pathetically sweet.

My concentration is shot.
All day, i've felt like it is Friday, and the disappointment alone each time I remember it's still on Thursday is too much for my fragile self to handle.

Today has been a day of crazy stories in the office.
Then, on my lunch break I needed to go to the post office.
So then, naturally, I needed to get an iced coffee.
And, obviously, if i'm getting an iced coffee, i need to get a few Royal Wedding Donuts for my coworkers to share and laugh about.
Don't get me wrong, i'm stoked for those Royal kids. Go get 'em. I hope they live happily ever after.
But I just don't get the Royal Wedding hype, and i'm a little sad about the fact that Dunkin Donuts has a Royal Wedding donut. Seriously?

This is the description taken from the website. It's sad, really.


Created in honor of the Royal couple, the Royal Wedding Donut will be available in participating U.S. Dunkin’ Donuts restaurants from April 24 through the wedding day, April 29. When developing the Royal Wedding Donut, Dunkin’ Donuts’ Executive Chef, Stan Frankenthaler and his culinary team kept both wedding traditions and the couple’s favorite flavors in mind.

For that reason, the team couldn’t resist making a heart-shaped glazed donut that’s filled with jelly. The heart signifies the love between Prince William and Catherine, and the donut is filled with jelly to represent how their lives are to be ever-filled with happiness. In honor of the traditional white wedding gown, the donut is topped with white frosting, but adds a modern twist with the chocolate drizzle, in celebration of William’s love for chocolate.

baketastic.

If I were to title this past weekend, it would be called:

"How Many Baking Projects Can One Girl Attempt in a Weekend?"

and, consequently:

"How Many Dishes Can One Girl Dirty in a Weekend?"

The answers would be 2 batches of cake pops (stupid) and one chocolate strawberry cake.

The results: delicious. But I don't wanna bake anything again for weeks.

So gaze lovingly, but no requests, please.

Not yet.... ;)

My first attempt at cake pops - flavor of choice: Chocolate Peanut Butter.
Cake pops are delicious. They are fun. They are adorable.
They are tedious.
Do not ever attempt to make 2 batches in one weekend (especially if you're also making a normal cake.)
And do not expect to sit down and make cake pops. There is significant cooling/waiting/freezing/setting/praying in between each step. They took a while.
But man alive are they delicious.

My second attempt at chocolate strawberry cake - less oozy, and then again, not so much.

Layer #1: Last time, the strawberries and stuff oozed out between the layers of cake, leaving it sitting in a puddle of strawberry goop. Still delicious. My remedy: A chocolate wall.

If only all the world's problems could be solved that way.

Then the rest of the cake happened.

The strawberries on top, after very little time passed, decided to ooze all over the top of the cake and then down the sides. Doesn't matter. It was delicious. Someday i'll figure out how to stop it from oozing. But until then, a messy chocolate strawberry cake is better than no chocolate strawberry cake at all. 

The only post I have is that I cut close to a foot off my hair last night.
don't believe me. the proof is in my kitchen trash can. it looks like an animal.
elisa said she's gonna make a toupe.
i'm a new woman.
i love haircuts.
i'll post pictures someday soon.

oh what a weekend.

oh what a weekend.
what didnt i do?
Friday was a coffeehouse/open mic night in lynn. It was quite an adventure. then some quality time with future roommates.
Saturday - oh saturday - took my car to get inspected and get a brakelight, quick thrift store run, phone-a-thon for Anchor Rising, paying wayyyy more money than i had anticipated on my car because i needed a new exhaust system, a baby shower, a birthday party, and bed.
Sunday - church, finished a movie, fell asleep, went out to the movies, did laundry, watched another movie.

i'm bummed about the car.
i'm bummed about not being credit card debt free anymore.
i'm nervous about needing to buy a new car sometime soon.
i'm getting increasingly nervous about support raising. i'm gonna get to india no problem. but i'm growing increasingly anxious about raising support for my life. i'm in a funk. i'm tired.
i need out of this mood.

A few random points.

A few random points for Friday:

-I'm entering into this season of support-raising for my life CREDIT CARD DEBT FREE.
-I'm playing coffeehouses tonight, next fri, the following saturday, and then on the 30th. i might be a rockstar.
-I need to get a new guitar case tomorrow, as mine has lost 2 of the 3 hinges on the back.
-I'm gonna bake a really delicious cake this weekend for a co-workers bday. i'm thinkin chocolate strawberry.
-my life is really busy right now. really busy.
-i have entered so much data into the computer today that my eyes are starting to go funny.
-this might be due in part to my lack of caffeine since yesterday. dull headache, nothing too horrible. but i had cappucino froyo at lunch today. does that count?

Operation: Rehydration

Dear Blogging World,
I'm going to attempt something that I have attempted in the past but hope to make last longer this time around. It isn't going to be easy. It might be painful. I might be angry. I might want to punch someone in the face. I might have headaches and be sleepy for a while. But i'm going to stop drinking this:

and start drinking 10x more of this:

I know what you're thinking. You're racing with questions like the following:

How will you survive?

How will you get through your day?
Are you crazy?

Aren't you going to miss it?

How long can this possibly last?

The answers to these questions are as follows:

By grace alone.

Prayer.

Yes.

Heck yes.

I have no clue.

The truth is, I think i'm killing my vocal chords.

I can't belt like I used to.

And believe me, I try often in the car.
I get tired so much faster and just don't have the UMPH in my upper range.
I just don't have the kind of control and strength I used to.

A lot of this is due to being out of practice. The singing I do from week to week is not necessarily "correct" - and in combination with the amount of caffeine I consume, the results are not positive. If I were teaching lessons again and warming up properly each day, i'd probably be a bit better of than I am now, but I still do not drink nearly enough water for the amount of caffeine I drink. 

So i'm dropping it. 

For who knows how long. 

This past Fall, I kicked it for 4 weeks. It was kind of sad, but I know it's possible. The bummer thing was that once my body stopped craving the caffeine, I still missed the taste of coffee. 

But OPERATION: REHYDRATION of the vocal chords is in full swing starting today.

And you get a front row seat.

Please, try to contain your excitement.

Observation.

Eyebrows...

...are weird.

that's all, folks.

the dress.

why do i need to blog about myself when my friend lisa already did?

check out my sweet princess party moves HERE.

life support.

I have a confession to make.

Ok, maybe not a confession, but an adendum.

A correction?

Some clarification, perhaps.

Things that I was not able to share before, but am able at this time to share.

Not only am I raising support for India, but also for my LIFE.

Well, half of my life.

You see, friends, I am making a pretty sizeable life transition this summer into part-time ministry at my church, the harbor. I've been leading worship there for quite some time now, and both my role and my passion for leading this community in worship have been steadily increasing, especially since the fall. I am so in love with this community. It has been the biggest blessing to me since moving here in the Fall of 2008. And I am so in love with Jesus and leading others in worship. So this summer, I will be transitioning out of my full-time job and into a part-time role at the harbor, plus a second part-time job that is yet to be determined. And this part-role at church involves support raising - like a missionary, only my mission field is right here. Let me share with you my thoughts in this new, exciting time of support-raising in my life.

The following is a visual guide through some of my emotions during this season. Yes, in this order, and because kids display the best emotions.

Thank you for joining me on that roller coaster ride of emotions.

If you would like to receive one of my newsletters - even if you just want to hang it on your fridge because it's pretty and has pretty pictures (no really, it's very visually appealing, i'm quite pleased) and offer up the occaisional prayer for this madness I am embarking upon - just shoot me a line and I will get one right to you.

And as always, the music is still available for download.

http://jennarene.bandcamp.com/



Eye of the Hurricane

How do I even begin to sum up my past weekend?
Was it even real?
Did that really just happen?

Here's the deal:
I won a contest by uploading a video of myself singing a David Wilcox song to his facebook page. David Wilcox is an acoustic singer/songwriter that i've been listening to my entire life. Not an exaggeration. My parents have been fans since before I was born. There is some old VHS floating around my house somewhere of home videos of me, one of which caught me dancing and singing one of his songs at age 5.
So I entered this contest and I won. And winning meant that I got to go on stage with David Wilcox this weekend and sing one of his songs with him.

I had already had tickets to see him Friday night at a small church in Marblehead. That was sweet. Small venue, great seats, great acoustics, great David. I hadn't seen him in concert since early college, and it was amazing. I went by myself - a little date with Jenna. Couldn't have been happier.

Oh wait, yes I could have been. Because Saturday, he was also playing 2 hours away in Northampton, MA. So Elisa, Lauren and I drove out there on Saturday, putzed around the quaint hippy town for a while, I bought a great pair of $6 sunglasses, and we ate burritos. Then at 4pm I went to soundcheck. With David Wilcox. I just waltzed right into the bar, introduced myself, and waited for him to check the sound to a point where I could sing along. And then I did. And it was magical. He played guitar and sang harmony, while I led the vocals on "Eye of the Hurricane," one of his most well-known songs. I almost felt guilty for taking such a personal song away from him - but he was so gracious. And he complimented me up and down (can't complain about that). He was so excited to share the song with me. He kept saying how people were going to love it and he was so excited and it's going to be a better song together than on his own. And he said I did things vocally that he wouldn't have come up with on his own. I melted.

Sound check lasted all of about 15 minutes, and as I was trying to plan out how I would respectfully offer him a copy of my own CD, he beat me to the punch and asked me for it. I about fell over - but handed him a CD and left sound check to kill an hour or so before the doors opened for the show.

We had great seats at the venue, delicious seasoned fries, and the waitress sat one random, but super nice man with us who was on his own and needed a seat. He offered to share his brownie sundae with us, and even though we had a lovely time chatting with him, we declined the generous offer. He later covered our bill. (That's how you know you've hit rockstar status - jokes.) I also got to meet the Promo lady who helped set up the gig, and David's manager. They were both super nice and also complimenting of my singing.

David called me up in the middle of his set to do the song - and I can't even describe it because i'll never do it justice. It was just so unbelievably cool. Who gets to sing on stage with their lifelong favorite musician? Lots of audience members had super nice things to say on their way out, and I went up before we left to say goodbye and thank you to David. They were rushing to pack up so another band could go on stage, so there wasn't a lot of chitchatting - but I got my moment. I'm set. It was unreal.

There are photos and videos on my facebook of us playing the song together.
Check it out.
And once again, tell your friends about http://jennarene.bandcamp.com/ OR www.noisetrade.com/jrvoorhees - you can get my music and help me get to India.

just being cryptic.

What am I doing here
If you're not with me?
What have I got to live for, if it's just my own dream
Take it back to the beginning, back to the start
When gravity's pulling, you're still holding my heart
You come crashing down
Crashing down

-Mat Kearney

counterintuitive.

Raising support is funny.
You get put in this place where you have to rely on others for accomplishing the things you feel God has called you to.
You have to trust that God actually called you to them and believe that He will make it happen.
You have have faith that others will jump on board with this dream and have a desire to help you make it happen.
There is me.
And there is a dream.
I've been told to chase the dream.
With a blindfold and handcuffs on.
In a 3-legged race.
It is a place of totally relinquishing control.
I don't do relinquishing well.
And the funniest part is, you have to invest a certain amount of money in order to see the money come in.
Counterintuitive if you ask me.
We copied folded, tied, stuffed, addressed, and sealed so many letters last night for my trip to India.
It's an investment.
Color copies ain't cheap.
And people want to see pretty pictures of what i'm up to.
Stamps ain't cheap.
And these letters ain't mailin themselves.
If you get a letter from me, just do me one favor.
It doesn't matter how you choose to respond to it.
I've relinquished control over that.
But please don't throw it away.
At least until after the trip.
And then maybe wait another year or so.
Because the letter is pretty and fun to look at.
And maybe you'll want to pray for me when you see it.

como se dice...

i walked out of my house today, down the street to where my car was parked.
sun is shining.
birds are singing.
spring is in the air.
my car is covered in ice.
my ice scraper has 3 remaining teeth.
the rest were eaten by the blizzards of 2011.
it was a confusing morning.
but ray lamontagne is not confusing.
he is good for my soul.
his music is rich and raw.
his voice is like cinnamon sugar on buttered wheat toast.
the hearty kind with all the seeds and grains sticking out.

You know you wanna....

....help me get to India this summer and tell your friends to help too.

Bandcamp.

One thing to be super excited about - I'm going here this summer:

India!!!!!

2 whole weeks.

One thing for YOU to get super excited about:

I posted 5 songs onto bandcamp.com to sell and raise money for the trip.

Go do it. Or just listen. Either way, it makes me happy.

http://jennarene.bandcamp.com/

buckle your seatbelts.

oh, hello there.
i think maybe you thought i had forgotten that i had a blog.
you were wrong.
i often think to myself, "gee, i wish i had time to update my blog. i wish i had something clever, witty, and inspirational to say."
well, i don't.
but i will let you know what i've been up to.

i went to rhode island to visit jaime and nate. it just so happens that my high school bff had to move to rhode island for a few months with her marinated husband.
no wait, that's not right.
he's a marine. and i'm oh so thankful for it, because it means i got to see my jaime.
so i drove to rhode island in a twilight zone-eque snowy haze. my car didn't like it much and is still recovering. (you can pray for him - he seems sick.)
we went to see seals, and a beautiful lighthouse. and i had left my camera in jersey, so you get to see the high quality photos my phone takes.

i finally got to meet their dog, daisy, who i was told doesn't like to snuggle. 

don't worry, i taught her a few things. 

we also played trains (i schooled the southerners) and dread pirate (nate was too tired to do his pirate voice) and we made A-freaking-mazing cookies.

see for yourself

if you ever can't decide between a cookie and a brownie. THIS is what you make. 

then jaime and i came back up to the bev, nate met us later, i sent them to not your average joe's (you're welcome) and then they came to church! it was lovely.

this past weekend involved way too many good things. 

number one: bonnie's 30th birthday party.

theme: prince and princess.

cake decorator: moi.

the award for most fab 80's princess dress found at the thrift store for $6.99: moi.

please try not to be too jealous when i tell you there's a huge satin bow in the back. 

THEN Angela came to visit all the way from oklahoma. it was grand. it involved friends, trains, way too much indian food, frozen yogurt, stephy's, and the beach. 

and now, ladies and gentlemen, we are back to the daily grind. and march is madness. it is gonna be a crazy month. buckle your seatbelts. 

"it sucks, but in a lovely sort of way."

oh me oh my.


how i have neglected the blog.

it is not because nothing has happened, but because so much has been happening that i have no time to write or formulate stories or anything of the sort. my life lately has not stopped. i do not like life that does not pause to breathe or rest or enjoy the little things. i'm missing random drives (despite the fact that its still super cold), writing music, being crafty, baking, etc.

so what HAVE i been doing?

one weekend at the end of January, I flew down to lead worship in New Jersey for a friend's youth group retreat. it was awesome. i got to see some friends i hadn't seen in a while and God showed up in awesome ways in the kids lives. It was great to be spending time with youth again.

we had World Mandate - a smaller version of a large missions conference at our sending church in Waco, TX. i got to be a part of the band, which was amazing and also way more difficult than I had anticipated. The weekend was great, but I also had some kind of 24 hour bug. it was not so fun and pretty exhausting. we rocked out, but i'm also learning a lot about trying to worship while leading. I feel like i've gotten much better at this at my own church, when I am leading worship - but this was a totally new atmosphere, and I was following another person who was doing most of the leading. actually being in a state of worship while following and while powering through sickness was uber difficult. i'm still processing it all.
Sunday morning of that conference, I got the most unfortunate call that Vinnie, our personal chef, BBQ judge, Mario Kart oponent, Strollo's buddy, and my New Jersey "adopted" father, had passed away. He had been battling cancer for a few years and the past year especially has been a rollercoaster ride. after finding this out at the end of our conference, I took Monday off work to rest - i went to bed Sun night at 5pm and woke up at 8am. 15 hours of sleep did wonders. The funeral was this past weekend, and i travelled down with erica to meet up with everyone at hotel de megan. i'm still trying to formulate what this weekend was for me. everyone has really been checking in with me now that i'm back home - they want to know how i'm doing. but this weekend was so beautiful, and so healthy.

i said to megan before i flew down there,
"it sucks, but in a lovely sort of way."

i'm so thankful that Vinnie is not suffering. i'm so thankful for him, and for his family in my life. we honestly celebrated him this weekend. the band and the ushers wore hawaiian shirts. we sang his favorite songs. we told funny stories. we ate baked ziti and sausage and peppers. we cried and we prayed, but we worshipped and we celebrated as well. i haven't laughed as hard with friends as i did this weekend in a long time. the way the body of Christ came together this past week and weekend to support family, to mourn and to celebrate, was so beautiful. and in a sneaky way, in the midst of the sadness of losing someone so close and dear to us, the community and family that was experienced was refreshing. I'll never understand all of God's purposes, but I am even more appreciative of the miracle of community in the body. it was healing. God is faithful and oh so good to His children.
I don't really have a lot of extra time right now, but i'm determined to hunt it down and claim it and use it for things that bring life.

i want to live a life that brings more life.
pray for rosie - i met her on the plane and prayed with her. she's hungry for God and seeking Him. Pray that she'll seek Him not through her own power and worldly things, but go straight to the source.

why would we choose the leaky faucet when he offers a living, breathing, rushing river?

one day, i will blog again.
please do not fret.
until then, watch this again because there's no way you've watched it enough times:

A story for Wednesday.

Last night was not fun.
We have had issues over the past few months with the tenants upstairs. They tend to get super loud at night, and although they are well aware that their stereo system is overtop of Elisa's bedroom, they still seem to think that between 12 and 4 am on a weeknight is the best time to have a techno party, storm up and down the stairs like elephants, and yell outside on the sidewalk about who is more wasted. We've emailed the landlord before, and they didn't like that. They came down, very nicely, and asked if we wouldn't mind leaving the landlord out of it and coming up and just asking them to be quiet. This is a reasonable request if it isn't the middle of the night, we weren't female, and there weren't tons of people, guys and girls upstairs, rowdy and drunk. It just doesn't seem safe for us to wander up there in the middle of their party and ask a bunch of wasted kids to keep it down. Common courtesy says that 2am is a good time to be quiet. So the landlord also suggested we call the cops.

Fast forward to last night...

I went to be at 11pm, and Elisa shortly after. I sleep like a rock. Unfortunately for Elisa, I usually don't wake up to the noise because i'm in another part of the apartment and sleep so soundly. But last night at 12:30am I was awoken by knocking that I thought was from someone locked out at the front door. As I slowly woke up, confused and not fully coherent, I realized it wasn't knocking. It was banging and screaming at OUR door - right outside my bedroom. As it turns out, Elisa had made a noise complaint and they didn't respond too well to a visit from the cops. They decided the best course of action was to bang on our door and scream for us to come out, complaining that we called the cops and the landlord. This continued for probably ten minutes before they went back upstairs. I found Elisa, wrote a lovely email to our landlord, and the both of us, shaken up, tried to go back to sleep after it sounded like they were resting upstairs.

I tossed and turned for a while, and was just falling asleep again when I heard knocking on our other door, in the living room where Elisa was trying to sleep because her bedroom was too loud. No yelling this time, but a minute or so of banging on the door. Unnerving. I emailed the landlord again, and tried to go back to sleep. I tossed and turned some more, then listened to a crew of them take out the trash at a ridiculous volume, i'm sure waking up other neighbors. Why one needs to take trash out at 2am I may never understand.

I finally went to sleep and snuck out of my house this morning, praying I wouldnt see any of them. The landlord thankfully got back to me today, and evidently set up a meeting with the tenants, with the plans to call their parents.

Did you get that?
My landlord is calling their parents.

They are college kids, whose parents have co-signed the lease i'm sure.
So we're having a sleepover at a friend's house tonight - i'm not planning on avoiding my own house forever, it just seems wise to steer clear of the area for a night to give them some space to breathe. After the anger we experienced last night, who knows how they're going to react after a meeting with the landlord and a call to their parents.

Updates to follow.

Monday Morning Dreams

Today's dream: an Etsy store.
Technically, I already have one. There just aren't any items in it yet.
Monday morning dreams are always a little wishy-washy. I come in to work after the weekend, coffee in hand, music playing, right after having worshipped my guts out at church the night before, and i'm just so ready for dreaming and scheming. Monday morning dreams tend to be forgotten by the time Tuesday rolls around. But having my own Etsy store is something i've been dreaming of much more frequently than just on Monday mornings.
Am I crafty and creative? Heck yes.
Do I have any idea what i'd like to sell in said Etsy store? Nope.
Do I have lots of extra time to make lovely things and post them and ship them to people who are silly enough to purchase them? In your dreams.

But as I came in to work today and checked in on my favorite blogs, I was re-inspired by my friend Megan's store....(She has some of the best looking models on the whole site.) Here is my store. Why don't you hop on over and take a look for some inspiration? Maybe take a moment to imagine what kind of lovely things could be there. Lovely things you would like to purchased for yourself and your loved ones. 
I'm also dreaming and scheming about other things that can't quite be discussed fully at this time, but I could definitely use prayer for them. I know, I know - way to be vague. I just want to keep you coming back...I look forward to your Etsy ideas.

having my cake.

Let me tell you - this is a good moment. I am officially caught up. There is nothing in my inbox that I can do right now without some info that I awaiting. This is a good feeling. Since returning from the break, I have had an overflowing amount of work. It hasn't been stressful, per say, because it's J-term and most students aren't around, so the window hasn't been crazy. But there hasn't been a break. But I have overcome the overflow. And am now feeling uber-accomplished. It only took 3.5 days.
I surprised myself, though - I was dreading the first day back to work like anyone else after the break. I had gotten so lazy - I was staying up late and sleeping in even later, so I knew Monday morning would be quite the task. But as soon as I got to work, I instantly dove right into the pile of stuff on my desk. My co-workers were all chatting about their breaks, travelling, spending time with family, opening presents, etc, and i'm over here in my little corner slamming away on this ridiculous pile of work. I realized that my brain had been so shut off to anything task-oriented or detail-oriented over the break - I had gotten into a rut of being so lazy and watching so much tv - that it was seriously craving something tangible and administrative to accomplish. But now i'm exhausted. Now it feels good for that pile to be gone and to feel more relaxed about the average amount of things to get done.

In addition to feeling caught up, I have also tackled the feat of covering a cake in fondant. (At home, though, not at work) I definitely have a lot to learn, but I am also very pleased with how it turned out for my first try. I brought it to work today so everyone could make oooohs and ahhhs and yummy noises, so we'll see if it actually holds up or tastes good. But how could it not? It's a cake. Covered in icing. And then covered in a layer of sugar and marshmallow playdough.

Come on, people. What's not to love?

holiday pics.

holidays are crazy, but i have some updates. mostly in picture form. enjoy!

Lights on the bay with my dad.

Zac the rockstar at our St Mary's mini reunion.

i have beautiful friends.

we had lunch and sat for a while.

then we got coffee and sat for a while.

perfection.

My Christmas Miracle! I finally got my kitchen aid mixer - get pumped for lots of pics of new recipes and experiments.

I made a chocolate peanut butter cake for New Years / Kait's birthday. This is the extra chocolate I added to the batter.

My awesome orange spatula in peanut butter frosting.

messy cake.

Delish.

After digging in...

This was poor Amadeus when I got back from Maryland...

But Elisa is my hero and we knocked it out in no time.

Friends make me happy.