Sittin, waitin, wishin.

How, exactly, do you follow a blog entry about going to Africa?

I thought I would want to come back and write a bunch of stories out, try to paint a picture, and maybe I will at some point, but the mood just hasn't hit me yet. It takes me a lot longer to process the things that i've experienced and learned.

<----My rockstar brother at the concert back home in MD - I taught him everything he knows.

Also, i'm working on a blog entry for a Donald Miller competition. You'll know it when it gets posted here because it will be better written than my typical entry - without tons of dashes and elipses where my brain just pauses and I feel the need to continue hitting keys.

Since Africa, life has been a little crazy. And that, in itself, is crazy because I still don't have a job. Yet somehow, i'm all over the place. Hunting for jobs, applying, interviewing, scrounging part time jobs together for now and taking everything that comes my way. Some days have been super freaking awesome. Some days have been super freaking sucky. I'm waiting to hear back about a lot of jobs, and just feeling a little aimless about where exactly things are headed. I certainly can't stay in this hectic limbo for too much longer.

Here are some pics from a day in Rockport last week with Elisa.
Rockport + cameras + wandering + iced caffeinated drinks + sunshine = good times.

On a more interesting note, I auditioned for a musical on Monday night, got called back Tuesday night, and was offered a part today. It's a great role in the show Once on This Island - and I would loooove to do it, but it would require a lot of missed church community between now and October, AND just to spice life up a little bit, I can't commit until I hear back from some of these job interviews. The job I would LOVE to have would work perfectly with the rehearsal schedule. The job I would not LOVE but would take if I got it would not work with it. I feel like i've been put on hold. The waiting game is not my favorite.

I wish interview results came as quickly as audition results.





<--- This one is fun because I started reading a Bill Bryson book today with a very similar image on the cover. 

I also posted an ad on Craig's List as an amateur baker looking for experience making cakes. I've had 2 wedding cake requests - one that was a little absurdly large and last minute that I didn't feel comfortable committing to, and one that hasn't responded since I sent her photos of my work. BUT, one of the mothers I nanny for commissioned some cupcakes from me this week for a birthday party. THAT was fun...here are my teddy graham beach-tastic cupcakes. Please take note that some are swimming and some are lounging on beach towels. 

Note to self: Pretty drink umbrellas are sharp and not the best cupcake accessory for fiesty 2 year olds. 

Anyhoo, that's all i've got for now. Stay tuned for more African stories (someday), job results (hopefully), musical adventures (possibly), and photos (most definitely). 

just a taste...

I went to Africa.

It was beautiful and painful, inspiring and scary, challenging and stirring.

There were moments when I was in absolute awe of the beauty of the city and the ocean, the traditions of the culture, the honor of women’s heads wrapped in colorful scarves, the new flavors of cous cous and tajine.

But other moments I was frustrated with gender issues, scared I would suffer death by taxi, sick of frites being served with every meal, no vegetables, language barriers, and my lack of ability to go out at night or anywhere on my own.

It was a very hot and cold struggle for me for two weeks, but here are some things that I learned or were stirred in me.

-I want to immerse myself in a culture that is not my own and become fluent in a language that is not my own.

-Children bring me joy and I would love to end up in some foreign country working with orphans, teaching them praise songs, or teaching English to school-age kids.

-The love of Christ is so rich and so free. I met so many amazing women, several who love and fear God, but who feel so far away from Him because of their culture’s need to achieve His love and earn points for their salvation. My heart broke for their pure hearts so exhausted by the striving nature of their faith.

-I am so thankful for freedom and vegetables.

I am still processing so much from this trip, but will share as it comes. For now, these are the big things that are lingering on my heart from my 2 weeks abroad.

The job hunt is still on. I had 2 very good interviews this week and have one more scheduled for next week. I already know I was not offered the first job, which was hard because it was the one I was most excited about and felt I had the highest chance of getting. But life continues. I am exhausted of the search, but there is a perfect plan waiting for me to fall into it.

I got a crazy last minute experience to go to Fenway on Thurs night for free. A friend didn’t want the tickets she bid on at our auction, and I got to spend my first MLB game in the Pavillion Box – and it was sweet. Except for the minor fact that the game itself was a bust. It was a lovely first experience.

I’m in Maryland for a nice long weekend. 2 college friends got married on Saturday and it was so great to see bunch of college friends I haven’t seen in way too long. Stickin’ around a few extra days to spend time with family I also haven’t seen in way too long. I played a concert last night at the barn – it was a very casual, last-minute kind of event, and we didn't get a bunch of people to show up, but the people that did blew me away. I got to see a bunch of people from all different random areas of my life - people I didn't I was going to get the chance to see in my brief time at home. But it was great. My brother played some music with his friends to start off the night, then I played some and ended up jamming with people a bit. Music and friends = good times. 

energizer bunny.

I'm being a bad blogger.
Don't worry, I don't really hold it against myself. It's not a character flaw, really. It just means that a lot has been going on and my attention has been focused on other things. I went to Africa. I went to a Red Sox game. I went to a few job interviews. Today, i'm going to Maryland for a wedding. Then i'll probably come back here and go to more job interviews. Lots of going lately.
I'll tell more soon. I have lots of good stories and have learned lots of big things. For now, I have to go make myself look somewhat professional and then climb in a car driving south for way too many hours.

But one thing is for certain.
I love my life.

Recent happenings...

Some things that have happened since I last posted:

These guys got married.

And I made their cake.

Somehow, this kid got even cuter than he already was.

This girl got gorgeous-er.

And this one reminded me why i'm so lucky to be her friend.

On a completely unrelated note, I leave for North Africa a WEEK FROM TOMORROW.

Geeking out just a little bit - lots of emotions, but mostly i'm just so stinkin' excited.

I get to travel for 2 1/2 weeks with 16 of my closest friends.

And i'm still looking for a job for when I return. I've joined a club of about 5 people who are going to Africa without definite job plans for when we get back.

My life is so exciting.

Our Newest Addition

Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to our newest Bow Street addition....Duck!

These photos were taken with my phone, so they're not the best, but I think you get the idea of the level of cuteness that has recently entered our apartment. He's still a little scared and getting adjusted, but he is a snuggler. And we love him.

Crazy week this week. Would you like to hear about it? Alright, sure thing.

Today: Working all day, then playing a free concert in the commons.

Wednesday: Working all day.

Thursday: Picking up St. Mary's friends from airport, shopping for wedding cake ingredients, loving on Angela, our beloved visiting Roman, Bachelorette party.

Friday: Working in the morning, baking a wedding cake, rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.

Saturday: Decorating a wedding cake, visiting the beautiful bride, running sound/practicing music, watching friends get married, boogying down.

All week: Praying for enough work to get me through being out of the country for 2.5 weeks and coming back with no definite job prospects.

So stinkin' pumped. 

At some point i'll post something a bit more thoughtful. Thanks for all of the positive feedback from the last blog. Friends are awesome.

Crushing the Culture of Comparison

            I’m not good enough. No one likes me. I don’t fit in. I’m too fat. I need to lose weight. They’re talking about me. I’ll never make it. There’s no way she likes me. I’m not worth it. I can’t get through this. They’re just pretending to like me.

I dare you to say these things out loud.

They sound ridiculous. They sound like things a middle-schooler would worry about all day. But we’re not in middle school anymore. And these are the kinds of lies that we believe about ourselves. We’ve been raised in a culture of comparison and live with an enemy who is ruthless. He’s the best liar I know.

           

I’ve been super passionate about lies lately.

I’m not an angry person. I get passionate about things at times, but I’m not someone who experiences a lot of anger on a regular basis. But lately, I cannot help from becoming infuriated at the lies that we believe about each other and ourselves, and the way they separate us from so much goodness.

Here’s the sitch: “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy” (John 10:10) and he, unfortunately, is good at what he does. He is manipulative and divisive. But the other half of that verse says, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

The kicker, and the thing that keeps breaking my heart, is that we have potential for such goodness in our lives. We have a huge, arms open wide invitation for a full life. But it gets lost in confusion the second we start believing anything but truth.

I am starting to notice a pattern among myself and my friends.

The community that I am currently a part of is one of the best things I have ever experienced in my life. I live in a place and with people who are constantly encouraging, supporting, and challenging me in ways that force me to grow, that bring joy to my life, and a real sense of purpose and excitement. I feel like I’ve been drafted to this all-star team, but we keep losing people to this divisive thief and his ridiculous schemes.

Think of a lie or an insecurity that you might struggle with. Maybe you feel like the people in your circle of friends don’t truly care about you. Maybe you think you don’t fit it or you’re not as important or pretty or skinny or talented or stylish as someone else you know.  Now, match that insecurity with a recent even like a human mistake, a slip of the tongue, a failure to invite, a funny glance, some whispered words in the corner, and suddenly you no longer have one little insecurity that you typically battle, but a rush of lies flooding your head. Suddenly you’ve gone from feeling ok in the place where you are to drowning in lies about your self-worth.

And the pivotal moment of his scheme: do you believe the lie? Do you choose to agree with the outrageous untruth that is being thrown at you? Or do you stop for a minute to look around at the people that are currently with you? Do you pause to remind yourself how much these people mean to you, and the gift that they are in your life? Do you remind yourself of the One who gave you the blessings of this community, and the way He laid down everything because He says that He wants you to have life to the full?

When we choose to believe the lie, we instantly separate ourselves from this goodness. I’ve watched so many friends believe lies about themselves. And in that pivotal moment where they could reach out to the community that is so ready to embrace their hurt, they back away. This is the jab to the heart for me – to stand in front of someone, speak truth and love to their face, and have them pull back because they choose to believe the lies instead. What a kicker – that you can stand in the middle of the community God has given you, a real fleshed-out example of His love, and instead of running toward grace and healing, pull back because of lies.

When we believe lies, we separate ourselves from God.

We separate ourselves from love.

We separate ourselves from community.

And when we are separate from these things, it only leaves room for more lies.

When we believe that we are unloved, unattractive, and not worth it, we deny His truth, which is love and healing, and we give more power to the one who destroys.

So I get angry. I get upset that we let him separate us from goodness.

I get angry that there are times when I actively choose to believe the lie.

I get passionate when friends that I love find themselves believing that they don’t belong or aren’t cared about.

I find myself raising my voice not because i'm mad at a person, but infuriated that lies are whispered and truth is forgotten. 

It breaks my heart when I see someone back away from the goodness of God’s love within a community because of these schemes.

The good news is that truth has power.

The good news is that there does not have to be any fear of lies because, as cheesy as it may sound, good will always triumph over evil if we stick to our guns.

            But you have to be willing to toughen up a bit and tough it out.

            You have to stick to the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Because truth says that we are the recipients of a full life.

So I’m choosing truth. 

i've been holding out writing a post until i have something really good to say.
and i think that might happen this weekend. ;)